Since the dawn of time, man has been bravely pushing the frontiers of civilization, constantly discovering and evolving. Fearless explorers, rugged hunters, intrepid sailors, all putting their lives on the line to take us further as a species.
Each and everyone of them displaying an ever so manly beard in the process.
Out with the old in with the new
It was part of the gig of being a man; man make fire, man discover new land, man conquer impossible terrain, man have beard!
Nowadays though we have navigation devices to make sure we turn into the the correct streets in built up areas, we eat ready-made meals heated up in a microwave, and live in homes where cleaning and grooming is exceptionally easy.
We are HR managers, marketing consultants and graphic designers by profession nowadays. We function in air-conditioned buildings where the closest we come to manly danger is viewing something NSFW on the computer during office hours.
Needless to say having a beard nowadays is like trying to tell the time using a sundial. Sure, trends dictate that we try various things in the interest of ‘expression’ or fashion, but just like corduroy, cargo pants, Doc Martin boots, middle partings, waist coats, square toed shoes, and yes, even stone washed jeans, we have the power to get through such things.
James Bond the benchmark for all things manly
The James Bond movie franchise has been a benchmark for all things manly since the 1960s, not once did he slip into a tailored suit and get behind the wheel of an Aston Martin with a face full of hair. In fact, the only time Bond did have a beard was while held prisoner for 14 months by the North Koreans in Die Another Day.
Naturally the very first thing he did as a free man from there was have a shave and reclaim his facial features. You think Haille Berry would have given him a second look if he didn’t?
The beard is often seen as a sign of masculinity, something that separates the men from the baby-faced boys. Masculinity has evolved though, slapping a beard on your face is nothing more than cliched, and says little for your fibre as a man.
The beard may speak to the non-conformist, but there are more sophisticated ways to stand out from the crowd instead of possessing something that collects bread crumbs.
Much like growing your hair after school, a beard seems like a good idea in the beginning, but then it’s just a labour of love. Then you become so invested in the process that you feel almost trapped to the cause. People are going to tell you it looks cool, but they are mostly just being nice because of the sacrifice you have put yourself through.
What the ladies want
The ladies prefer a fresh faced man anyway, and before you say ‘but Ryan Reynolds looked really good with a beard in the Amityville Horror remake”, that is because he is Ryan Reynolds, not because he had a beard.
So it’s time to bid farewell to the notion of looking like a lumberjack in an urban setting is a way forward in life. It’s summer now anyway, and the only person that should really have a beard at this time of the year is Santa Clause.
The change may seem daunting, but don’t worry, this video should help you out.